$4 Million Car Crash – Was Jeremy Clarkson in Japan?

Put an ageing man with a fast car but fading reflexes into a challenging situation. Make sure he has a huge ego and an obsessive, virtually sexual, interest in cars.

Are we talking Jeremy Clarkson here? It certainly sounds like a photo fit of the motormouth presenter of the BBC’s Top Gear series.

He would have to be in Japan. Highly possible, his show is a hit with Japanese car fans. Could he have been driving any of these cars: Ferrari F4, Ferrari Modena, Ferrari 355, a top Mercedes or a Lamborghini? Love to! Would he be interested in a rally of wildly expensive gas guzzlers? You bet!

He fits the slot the way Louis Hamilton fits into a Formula 1 shunt. But no, it wasn’t Clarkson. Shame really because the driver at fault faces a 3 month jail term at least - and the world could do without Clarkson’s hot air for a while, or forever.

The insurance nightmare happened when a line up of expensive super cars was racing two abreast on a motorway slick with rain. Conditions were perfect for a slide and shunt. That’s exactly what happened as a Ferrari driver tried a high speed lane switch and hit the nearest car.

Clarkson would have loved to be there with his mike doing the commentary, “Oh watch that Ferrari fly. Not just over the top, it’s over 3 Mercs and a Lambo. Not had so much fun since I saw a gang of strikers being taken out and shot.”

Vintage Clarkson goes something like this ; on an Alfa Romeo, “Reminds me of Angelina Jolie. Absolutely mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste but you would, wouldn’t you?”

On a Mercedes, “Sounds like Barry White eating wasps.” Aston Martin, “Rather be in this than Keira Knightley, a Suzuki “You don’t just avoid this, you avoid it like you avoid unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.”

Enough Clarkson. But it has to be said, he is popular, especially with the ultra right. Speaking of which, on VW cars, “The only person who looked good in them was Adolph Hitler.”