Some Tips for Novice Drivers

I live in Edison, New Jersey. It’s a nice place, close enough to New York to commute, but far enough away so that you don’t feel as though you’re constantly surrounded by people. A large amount of the people who live here work for banks, IT consulting firms, and high end businesses in Manhattan. As such, many of those people are recent immigrants from China and India and pretty much anywhere but America, because we’ve pretty much established that, for whatever reason, America can’t develop talent nearly as effectively as every other developed country can. Nothing against anyone… that’s just how it is.

Anyway, most of these immigrants either didn’t drive or drove very little in their home country. What this means is that getting around Edison is just a roll of the dice. People drive completely randomly, having no business whatsoever being behind a wheel, doing stupid things that most drivers in other areas wouldn’t do after they’d been driving for more than a week. It’s not like driving in New York or Philadelphia. Those places are crowded and drivers are aggressive, but drivers there generally know what they’re doing. People here have no clue. The accident rate is astronomical, and I’m surprised it’s not higher. My sister got hit by a car while walking on a crosswalk with a green light and a ‘walk’ sign. I have a near miss at least once a week. I’m sitting here right now in my living room, and I’m still not 100% that some moron isn’t going to drive through my wall and run me over. And I’m on the second floor.

So here’s some tips for you new drivers to follow so that you don’t kill anyone (namely me).

1. Don’t rely solely on your mirrors. If you’re changing lanes, actually look to see if a car is there. Especially if you’re changing several lanes at once.

I won’t even get started on those people who dart across 3 lanes of traffic, but regardless… mirrors have huge blind spots. You need to physically turn your head to be sure another car isn’t there.

2. Get off your f*cking phone!

Listen, ass. If you’re new, you’re not a very good driver even if you’re paying attention. Using a cell phone while driving is illegal in a lot of places for a reason – you can’t focus properly on driving if you’re talking at the same time. I’ve seen people blow through red lights – and I’m not talking about running through right when the light turned red, but just driving through a red light as though it wasn’t there… all because they were too busy talking to actually look up at the traffic light.

3. You can still look out of the front window even if you’re talking to someone in the passenger seat.

That’s right! Sound is funny that way… you can face the way you are driving and still be heard by the other person. So keep your eyes focused on the road – at least somewhat – even if the conversation is really gripping.

4. Parking lot ProTips – Don’t drive over 10 mph, and don’t just back out of a spot without looking, assuming no-one is directly behind you.

I know the parking lot is made of asphalt, but that doesn’t make it a regular road. People can back out of spots randomly without being able to see you (especially if they don’t look). For this reason, parking lots everywhere are the most likely places to have a car accident. So give yourself time to stop or notice potential hazards, by doing a reasonable speed.

5. Sometimes, driving just isn’t for you. Take the bus.

Driving isn’t a right, and in most cities it is not even necessary. Whether it be because of age, disability, or general stupidity, some people just do not belong behind a wheel. And if they don’t stop pretending they do, they’re going to eventually hurt themselves or someone else. It’s not a joke. Nearly everyone knows a person who was seriously injured or killed in a car accident. There’s nothing special about you that it can’t also happen to you.

So that’s my Public Service Announcement for the week. Learn to stop driving like an idiot, or get off the road!